My Journey Back To Me
“Owning your story is the bravest thing you'll ever do.” - Brene Brown
I realize now that I have been a seeker of truth all my life. I was that kid who always asked “why?” and have never really stopped. I seem to have been born with an insatiable desire to learn and question everything. I'm constantly seeking a deeper understanding of how things work or why things are the way they are. If the answers I receive don't satisfy my curiosity, I continue to ask questions, especially when things don't make any sense to me. I’ve also had this inner knowing, an uneasy feeling that warned me when something wasn’t right. Throughout my life I witnessed people doing things that just didn't seem right and recall saying many times, Just because everyone is doing it, doesn't mean it's right. or Just because that is the way things have always been done, doesn't mean it's the best way and the way we still need to be doing them.
I couldn't understand so much of the behavior I was witnessing and began to ask myself things like: Why do people drink alcohol and smoke when they are very toxic to our bodies and make us feel terrible? Why do we continue to eat toxic, processed food that is making us sick? Why do we go to jobs every day that aren't fulfilling or why do we send our children to school when they aren't being prepared for life? Why was I going to church every Sunday when I wasn't really developing a deep spiritual connection with God? I just couldn't understand why we would continue to do things that weren't benefiting us and in some cases were actually harming us. We just accept our day to day lives with the drudgery of the school/work routine regardless of how unfulfilling it is or how unhappy it makes us feel. We accept the long hours of work, barely making enough money to get by, to maybe go on a holiday once a year and then retire and sit around watching our health decline and waiting to die. This never felt right to me. I've always felt that we need to be doing things for the right reasons and just because everyone else was doing something or society expected us to do things a certain way, were not good enough reasons for me. There were a lot of times that I just couldn't do what everyone else was doing simply because of how it made me feel. As a teenager I tried smoking and drinking like many of my peers, but quickly realized it wasn’t for me. I only tried smoking a couple of times and found it distasteful. My journey with alcohol took longer to navigate since it is such a socially accepted behavior. I never enjoyed the way it made me feel, so eventually gave it up completely.
Like everyone else while I was growing up, I did what was expected of me. I studied hard and did well in school. I got a university degree and fulfilled my dream of becoming an elementary school teacher. I loved being a teacher, but once I had children of my own, I wanted to be home with them and raise them myself. Since most women were working outside the home leaving someone else to raise their children, I felt that was what was expected of me as well, even though I was being pulled in a different direction. I continued to question why I was doing this, because I could never give 100% of myself to both my students at school and my children at home. Someone was missing out, and after several years of being in conflict between teaching and being at home with my children, I decided to quit teaching full time. At that time, it was the toughest decision I had to make because I loved being a teacher. I was also giving up a good wage and leaving a job that was part of my identity, but I loved being a mom even more and knew I had to follow my heart.
As the years went by and I was raising my kids, I did what was expected and had them enrolled in all sorts of activities and became an active volunteer in the community. We were constantly running from one activity to the next and it was during this time that I really began to question why we were living like this. There was never enough time to do the things I really wanted to do with my kids because we were always too busy running to all their activities. I was doing exactly what society expected, but didn't have time for what I truly desired. Not only was there never enough time to do what I wanted with my children, but there was never enough time for my own dreams and desires. One day, in complete overwhelm and exhaustion, I begged for guidance and direction to help me make sense out of this crazy life we were living, knowing deep down that there had to be more to life than the rat race I found myself in.
Shortly after this, as if the Universe heard my plea, some incredible books showed up for me….
Wayne Dyer's —Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
Eckhart Tolle's —A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
Louise Hay's —You Can Heal Your Life
Anita Moorjani’s —Dying to Be Me
Neale Donald Walsch’s -Conversations With God
These books, and so many others, had me considering a whole new perspective on life and opened a whole new world of possibilities to me. They led me on a life-changing journey where I questioned everything I had been taught growing up. I read everything I could get my hands on by these authors and many others. I explored many ancient texts and began reading books that were hundreds of years old. I started to question religion and studied the history of Christianity and other spiritual traditions. I questioned the medical system and researched the history of our current medical system and many ancient medical protocols and remedies. I began to study the education and political systems and their function in our lives. Driven by my insatiable desire to learn, I went from one book, one documentary, one online summit to another. I was finally starting to understand why my life was in such chaos, and it was becoming clear to me why the way we were doing things wasn't working. Everyone seemed to be working harder, doing what was expected of them so they could succeed in life and yet they were becoming more and more stressed, unhappy and unhealthy. Wanting to learn even more, I began taking classes, attending workshops, conferences and retreats. I was beginning to feel an inner pull towards something greater and felt new purpose coming into my life. I wanted to experience what others had and become my own healer and teacher, so I began to put into practice everything I was learning. I could no longer keep living according to what was expected of me. I wanted to live my life according to what excited me and made me happy. I wanted to live a life of purpose and meaning driven by the things I was passionate about. I began feeling a deep desire to start sharing everything I had learned that had brought healing, purpose and excitement back into my life.
We have been taught to look outside of ourselves for everything; that we should turn to the church, the school, the doctor, or the government to have all our needs met. When truly all the answers reside within us and always have. There’s no need to seek outside ourselves. All we have to do is reclaim responsibility for our own lives and follow the guidance from within. I understand now that those feelings I had all my life were little nudges from my soul, nudging me towards something more. That my insatiable curiosity and desire to make sense of things came from a place deep within me that knew there was a better way.
I’ve discovered that the secret is in getting to know ourselves better to uncover and bring forth the wisdom from within. Sometimes all we need is a little guidance to help us remember that.
It is my hope that by sharing the wisdom I have gained on my journey, I can inspire you to uncover the wisdom that lies deep within you so you can bring healing, purpose and excitement back to your life.
